Transcripts are available for all of our past live events with medical experts, authors, and celebrities. See all the transcripts.
Michael Castleman Sexual Health
Michael Castleman is an award-winning journalist specializing in sexuality, health, medicine, fitness, and nutrition. A former adjunct professor at the University of California-Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism, he has more than 2 million copies of his books in print including Sexual Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women Who Love Them; Nature's Cures: 33 Natural Therapies to Improve Your Health and Well-Being; and Before You Call the Doctor: Safe, Effective Self-Care for Over 300 Common Medical Problems.Read more about Michael Castleman.
Castleman joined us on Thursday, February 10, 2000. This is an edited transcript of the chat.
PRx Host :
Michael Castleman is an award-winning journalist specializing in sexuality, health, medicine, fitness, and nutrition, and a former adjunct professor at the University of California-Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism. There are over 2 million copies of his books in print, including Sexual Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women Who Love Them. Castleman writes regularly for numerous national health magazines and is the medical director of NetHealth, an Internet health information company. Michael Castleman's Q&A column, Alternatives, appears in the PlanetRx.com Alternative Care eCenter. Welcome to tonight's chat, Michael Castleman.
Michael Castleman :
Delighted to be here.
PRx Host :
Since the publication of your book Sexual Solutions, in 1980, there's been an explosion of information about sex. Are men and women any better informed today than they were then?
Michael Castleman :
There's certainly no lack of information, and so, if you know where to look, you can find good information. The problem is that sex continues to be a subject that inspires anxiety and embarrassment and confusion. A lot of people don't know where to look, and turn to the traditional sources of sex information: their friends, who may not know much of anything at all.
PRx Host :
What about sex education for young people -- has that improved? Are schools doing a good job or are parents doing it?
Michael Castleman :
I am 100% in favor of sex education for children. My wife and I have been very open with sex information with our kids since they were born. Throughout most of the United States, sex education really means contraceptive information, information about sexually transmitted diseases, and the general message, "Don't do it." Now, I'm in favor of adolescents postponing sexual activity until they grow up a little, but the research shows that the best way to encourage sexual postponement is to provide very explicit and frank sex information to kids, and that's not being done.
PRx Host :
How old are your kids? How young did you start educating?
Michael Castleman :
My son is 13, my daughter is 9, and we answered their questions frankly and completely from the time they learned to talk. They would point to a sexual part of their bodies or our bodies, and ask, "What's this?" And we told them.
I'll never forget the time my son was about 4, my elderly parents were visiting from New York, and we were driving through the Tenderloin District of San Francisco. A hooker in silver hot pants was standing on a corner and my son asked, "Why is that woman wearing so little clothing when it's so cold outside? Why doesn't she wear a coat?" I explained to him that this woman was a prostitute and that she was advertising the merchandise, which led to a long discussion with my son about what prostitution is.
All the while, my parents were in the back seat of the car, so that was pretty interesting. Later that night, my parents congratulated me for my forthrightness with Jeff. I have to say, my own parents were very sex-positive with my brothers and me when we were growing up. I've been very fortunate in my life to have sex not be a taboo subject.
PRx Host :
What do you think of the Viagra phenomenon?
Michael Castleman :
Well, I have mixed feelings about Viagra. On the plus side, Viagra has highlighted and given tremendous publicity to the phenomenon of male impotence, which was never discussed very much before Viagra was released. That's really a good thing because erection difficulties are fairly common among men, and before impotence was discussed, many, many men suffered in silence and sacrificed their relationships and their pleasure when they didn't have to. Viagra can definitely help as a treatment of erection problems for some men.
However, there are a couple of things that disturb me about Viagra. One is that Viagra perpetuates the myth that an erection equals sex. In fact, the genitals are only a small part of what really pleasurable lovemaking involves. Lovemaking is a whole-body enterprise that feels best when lovers engage in whole-body sensual massage that includes the genitals, but is not limited to them. Women's major complaint about men in bed is that they are too genital-focused, too rushed, and too mechanical about sex -- just fitting the parts together and often dispensing with sensuality and massage. Viagra tends to perpetuate the genital-centered, non-sensual approach to lovemaking and I don't like that.
The other thing about Viagra is that it's a treatment, whereas I prefer preventive approaches to erection health. The three main ways to preserve erection are: number one, don't smoke cigarettes. Cigarettes are a one-way ticket to flaccidity. Number two, a high-fat diet also is linked to erection impairment. And number three, relationship problems can cause many a penis to call it quits. Now you can take Viagra, but if a man has a problematic relationship, he'll get an erection, but so what? He doesn't have a loving relationship. So the bottom line is: There's more to good sex than an erection.
PRx Host :
You talk about using all the senses in lovemaking? Can you talk a little about that?
Michael Castleman :
Sure. Lovemaking is a sensual enterprise, meaning that it feels best when you involve all the senses. For the sense of vision, many people enjoy candlelight. It's soft and flickering, not too bright, and tends to make lovers look good to each other. For the sense of hearing, many people enjoy music.
We have a stereo in our bedroom and when we put it in, the kids asked, "Why did you put that stereo in your bedroom, and how come you never use it?" And we replied, "We like to have music when we make love, and when we do, you're asleep. But believe us, we use it." For the sense of smell, many lovers enjoy scented massage lotions, or perfume, or fresh-cut flowers. Adding a dimension of fragrant aromas can also heighten the pleasure of sex. For the sense of touch, there's the whole-body massage I was discussing earlier. A famous sex therapist once said that in a loving relationship, there are two ingredients to great sex: friction and fantasy. So friction is touch. And then finally, the sense of taste. Lots of lovers like to feed each other little treats. And if you've ever seen the refrigerator scene in the movie 9 1/2 Weeks, you'll know what I mean. If you haven't seen the movie, rent it and you'll know.
So think about the times when you've had the best sex in your life. Chances are it was in a romantic setting, a sensual setting, one that excited all your senses. Compare that with the sort of the run-of-the-mill sex that you may have had. Usually, that happens with the lights out, when you're tired, late at night, with a lot less sensuality. So sensuality really is key to great sex.
PRx Host :
One of your many areas of expertise is herbs. Do any of the herbal potions that promise enhanced performance work?
Michael Castleman :
Well, yes and no. There are a number of traditional so-called aphrodisiac herbs. Some of them do have genital effects. For example, there's a substance called yohimbe, which is the bark of a West African tree. Africans use yohimbe bark as an aphrodisiac, meaning that the men used it to enhance erection. Scientists scoffed at yohimbe until studies showed that it did, indeed, open up the arteries that supply blood to the penis and helped impotent men raise erections.
Since that research, about 20 years ago, several prescription drugs have been introduced and approved by the FDA, for treatment of erection problems. But here again, we see that erection is equated with aphrodisia, which may be the case for men that when they can get an erection, they have an increase in desire.
But aphrodisiacs for men don't necessarily have anything to do with sexual desire in women. There's another traditional aphrodisiac that is supposedly a turn-on for women. It is an herb called damiana. Its scientific name includes the Latin word aphrodisiaca, and many herbalists recommend it in teas or tinctures for women who would like to enhance their libido. I really wish this stuff worked. But I've never seen any persuasive research to show that it does. The sad fact is that there are many more herbal ways to kill sexual desire than there are to enhance it. The number one sex killer, by far, is alcohol, which Shakespeare said, "provokes the desire but takes away the performance." And that's true.
PRx Host :
What about chocolate on Valentine's Day?
Michael Castleman :
Oh, chocolate! I'm all for chocolate any day -- particularly Valentine's Day! There was some research a few years ago showing that chocolate contains a compound that increases in the body when people fall in love. The theory is that the phenomenon of drowning yourself in chocolate when you're heartbroken has a biological basis in trying to boost levels of that compound in the body. I'm not sure I really believe that, but chocolate has a wonderful taste and texture. I personally happen to be a fan of chocolate body paint, but I don't think I'll go into that tonight.
PRx Host :
Maybe another time. I'm going to turn to questions from the audience.
Abbey9697 :
I'm not sure what types of questions you'll take, but can you assist with the loss of interest in sex being physical vs. emotional/psychological?
Michael Castleman :
A loss of interest in sex is a very common problem. In fact, it is one of the most common sex problems. If you have this problem, you need to be treated individually, which is something I can't do over the Internet.
However, I can make a few suggestions. One is that in modern America, many people are overworked, don't get enough sleep, spend too much time on the road commuting, and don't get enough time to commune with their lovers. Good sex requires some proximity to your lover. And unfortunately, a lot of people don't make time to spend special time with their lovers.
Relationship problems also play a role in loss of desire and so do job stress, drug use, children, money worries, and the whole range of distractions in modern life. That's why the getaway weekend is usually pretty good for sex, because lovers get the opportunity to spend quality time together without the distractions that often prevent them from enjoying their own desire.
If you'd like help with a loss of desire, I suggest that you consult a certified sex therapist. Ask your doctor or psychotherapist for a referral. There is an organization called the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists, headquartered somewhere in Iowa. This organization provides referrals, and sex therapists practice in just about every major metropolitan area. Good luck!
AlexF :
What do you think about parents being nude around children?
Michael Castleman :
That is a delicate subject. There is really no right or wrong answer. What parents do really has to do with their own comfort around nudity and their own body image. My wife and I had no problem being nude in front of our children when they were young. Kids get to a certain point where they want privacy, and they become uncomfortable with household nudity. They started closing their doors, and so we stopped being nude around them.
Some people have serious moral objections to household nudity, and I can respect that in their families. But I have a different point of view. If you look at the research, there have been several studies of the psychological health of adults who are nudists and go to nudist resorts and are often naked at home. It turns out that there are no differences in their general psychological health compared with other Americans, and the same goes for their children. This research strongly suggests that there's no real downside to household nudity, which makes it basically a matter of personal preference.
skwarepeg :
Are there any advantages to one-night stands?
Michael Castleman :
What do you mean by advantages?
skwarepeg :
How is it possible for two people to remain sexually attracted to each other for years and years without becoming bored? Or to get back that attraction once it has faded?
Michael Castleman :
This is also a very common problem for couples. Typically in relationships, there's a fairly brief period at the outset of intense, frequent sex. But after a while, six months, a year, two years, the vast majority of couples have sex less frequently, and often feel badly about it.
There's no magic formula on how to coax flames out of the embers, but I can offer a few modest suggestions. First, make time for each other. Spend special time together. Go on dates. Return to doing the kinds of things you did when you first fell in love. Have fun together, laugh, compliment one another, and most importantly, be emotionally present with the other person. These tips also argue in favor of things like weekend getaways because they allow harried, stressed-out couples to focus on loving one another, rather than how they are going to come up with enough money to come up with a car payment.
Justme- :
I went to my doc with my sex-drive problem and they just said that it was because I just had a baby, and when I said it had happened with every boyfriend they shrugged me off and prescribed antidepressants. What can I do if I don't agree with their diagnosis? If I need more help? I am in Canada.
Michael Castleman :
A couple of things. One is that family doctors generally are not very expert in sexual medicine. Women owe their sex drive to the hormone testosterone. Most people think that testosterone is a male sex hormone. It is, but women make it, too. Just not as much as men. In both sexes, testosterone is responsible for sex drive.
Some women become deficient in testosterone and suffer depressed libido as a result, so one thing you might do is to consult an endocrinologist and ask to have your testosterone level tested. Women's testosterone levels fluctuate during the day, so you'll probably need a few tests, a few blood samples taken at different times. If you're deficient -- and only a minority of women are -- then you can use a hormone replacement, which usually helps women who are deficient. If your testosterone level is normal, then the problem becomes more complicated, and it's too individual for me to really go into in a chat.
I would suggest that you consult a sex therapist and discuss the problem. Loss of libido is one of the most common problems people bring to sex therapists, and I'm confident that a sex therapist could help you deal with the issues that are causing your own loss of desire.
Poptart5 :
Is there any real difference between lubricants?
Michael Castleman :
Yes! The main difference is what they're made out of. Some lubricants are water-based, while others are petroleum-based. Water-based lubricants include such products as Astroglide, which PlanetRx sells. Petroleum-based lubricants include things like Vaseline and mineral oil. By and large, water-based lubricants are better. Petroleum-based lubricants can irritate vaginal tissue and cause discomfort for women. They don't taste very good either, so they can interfere with oral sex. [In addition, petroleum-based lubricants should not be used with latex condoms or diaphragms, because oil-based lubricants damage latex and can cause condoms to break.]
Water-based lubricants work well with all forms of sexuality, oral, vaginal, and anal. Petroleum-based lubricants are most popular for anal intercourse. They work well for anal sex, though water-based lubricants work fine for most people, too. Among water-based lubricants, there are a number of different products. Each one has a slightly different slipperiness, aroma, taste, and feel. I suggest that you buy small samples of several, and try them out!
I am a big promoter of sexual lubricants. They make sex a lot more comfortable for many women. Unfortunately, rather few American couples use them routinely. Mike says, "Check 'em out!" You'll probably have more fun.
Justme- :
Can you talk a bit about helping the man in relation to bringing a woman to orgasm?
Michael Castleman :
The main mistake that men make is the belief that intercourse should produce orgasm in women. Quite often, it doesn't, in perfectly normal, healthy women, no matter how long the man lasts. Depending on the survey, only about half of women are routinely orgasmic from intercourse. Many, many women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to enjoy orgasm. That stimulation can come from fingers, mouth and tongue, vibrator, dildo, use your imagination!
But the fact is, many women never enjoy orgasm solely from intercourse. There is nothing wrong with these women. And there is nothing wrong with a man who cannot bring a woman to orgasm solely from intercourse. That's just the way some women are. So the way to negotiate your sexual relationship is for men to understand that direct clitoral stimulation is often necessary. And even when it isn't, it's something that many women enjoy.
The message to women is to be frank with men about how they enjoy orgasm. It may not be easy to discuss this, but in the long run, it builds intimacy in the relationship and allows you to have much better sex.
PRx Host :
Unfortunately, we've run out of time, but before we go, can you tell us where people can get good sex information? We know about your book, Sexual Solutions, but what about websites?
Michael Castleman :
Well, there are a couple of websites I could suggest. One is a website operated by a friend of mine who is a sex therapist. The address is www.sexed.org. Another good website is www.xandria.com. Both of those sites have links to several dozen other sites that deal with everything from sex education for children to S&M, homosexuality, and sex for disabled people.
PRx Host :
Thanks so much, Michael, for a lively chat. It's always a pleasure to interview you because you're so well-informed, and, in addition, have a great sense of humor!
Michael Castleman is an award-winning journalist specializing in sexuality, health, medicine, fitness, and nutrition. A former adjunct professor at the University of California-Berkeley Graduate School of Journalism, he has over 2 million copies of his books in print: Sexual Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women Who Love Them;Nature's Cures: 33 Natural Therapies to Improve Your Health and Well-Being;The Healing Herbs: The Complete Guide to Nature's Medicines; and Before You Call the Doctor: Safe, Effective Self-Care for Over 300 Common Medical Problems. Michael writes regularly for numerous national health magazines and is the medical director of NetHealth, an Internet health information company.
Michael Castleman's Q&A column, Alternatives, appears on PlanetRx.com.
NOTE: While Michael Castleman is a respected expert in the fields of health and sexuality, he is not a medical doctor. We apologize for any confusion on this matter.
Don't miss Sexual Solutions: A Guide for Men and the Women who Love Them
and other books by Michael Castleman. Available in bookstores everywhere!
Information on this site is provided for informational purposes and is not meant to substitute for the advice provided by your own physician or other medical professional. You should not use the information contained herein for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease, or prescribing any medication. Information about each product is taken from the labels of the products or from the manufacturer's advertising material. PlanetRx.com is not responsible for any statements or claims that various manufacturers make about their products. We cannot be held responsible for typographical errors or product formulation changes. You should read carefully all product packaging. If you have or suspect that you have a medical problem, promptly contact your health care provider. Information and statements regarding dietary supplements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration and are not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. All discounts are taken from suggested retail prices.
